Bart and Dan- Episode 5

So... this is the last episode I'll be posting in written format... I really don't want to spoil the rest of the season in case we decide to actually film these. But here's a taste of Episode 5... enjoy!

Episode 5- Ping Pong

(Dan’s playing ping pong. Bart comes in)

B: It’s the Dan. …. Why do you play ping pong? You’re not China knees.

D: Uh, I think you mean Chinese.

B: That’s what I said… China knees.

D: No, I’m not CHInese. But you know ping pong is world renown sport, right? Not only do the Chinese play it. But also the Korean, German, Vietnamese, Japanese…

B: … the Italian knees, the Mexico knees, the America knees...
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B: So if you play ping pong so much… why aren’t you good at table tennis?

D: I AM good at table tennis. Table tennis and ping pong are the same thing.

B: If they were the same thing then wouldn’t they be called the same thing?

D: Not if their sameness is represented within the thing. Argh. Do I really have to dumb this down for you? They're the same.

B: Obviously they’re not the same. In ping pong you use ping bong balls. In table tennis you use table tennis balls.

D: Do you even know what a table tennis ball is?

B: It’s a tennis ball… but smaller.... with a table in it… under the net serve, out of bounds line judge.
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Dan decides to teach Bart how to play.

(Bart doesn’t have a paddle)

B: Why don’t I have a paddle?

D: Who told you you have to have a paddle?

B: Well… I just thought…

D: Yeah well don’t. Did Mr. Miagi give Danielson a samurai sword? No. He gave him a bucket of soapy water. Did Trainer Mickey give Rocky Balboa boxing gloves? No. He put him in a meat locker. Did Darth Vader give Luke Skywalker a lightsaber? No. He cut off his hand.

(Bart gets pelted by ping pong balls)
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