Bart and Dan- Episode 5

So... this is the last episode I'll be posting in written format... I really don't want to spoil the rest of the season in case we decide to actually film these. But here's a taste of Episode 5... enjoy!

Episode 5- Ping Pong

(Dan’s playing ping pong. Bart comes in)

B: It’s the Dan. …. Why do you play ping pong? You’re not China knees.

D: Uh, I think you mean Chinese.

B: That’s what I said… China knees.

D: No, I’m not CHInese. But you know ping pong is world renown sport, right? Not only do the Chinese play it. But also the Korean, German, Vietnamese, Japanese…

B: … the Italian knees, the Mexico knees, the America knees...
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B: So if you play ping pong so much… why aren’t you good at table tennis?

D: I AM good at table tennis. Table tennis and ping pong are the same thing.

B: If they were the same thing then wouldn’t they be called the same thing?

D: Not if their sameness is represented within the thing. Argh. Do I really have to dumb this down for you? They're the same.

B: Obviously they’re not the same. In ping pong you use ping bong balls. In table tennis you use table tennis balls.

D: Do you even know what a table tennis ball is?

B: It’s a tennis ball… but smaller.... with a table in it… under the net serve, out of bounds line judge.
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Dan decides to teach Bart how to play.

(Bart doesn’t have a paddle)

B: Why don’t I have a paddle?

D: Who told you you have to have a paddle?

B: Well… I just thought…

D: Yeah well don’t. Did Mr. Miagi give Danielson a samurai sword? No. He gave him a bucket of soapy water. Did Trainer Mickey give Rocky Balboa boxing gloves? No. He put him in a meat locker. Did Darth Vader give Luke Skywalker a lightsaber? No. He cut off his hand.

(Bart gets pelted by ping pong balls)
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Bart and Dan- Episode 2

**Since we've had a flood/tidal wave of comments from the Pilot episode (thanks mom), we've decided to share Episode 2 with you. We want you all to know that this is serious and we're serious. So, SO serious.


Episode 2- Bart Writes A Theme Song For The Band They’re Not In


Scene 1

Bart is sitting with large earmuff headphones mumbling to different songs: (Almost maybe similarly kinda like the Lebron James commercial)

I Don’t Wanna Wait- Paula Cole

Quit Playing Games- BSB

If We Were a Movie- Hannah Montana

Encarnacion- Nacho Libre

Big Girls Don’t Cry- Fergie

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Scene 2

Montage of Bart playing different ‘instruments’: Guitar hero/ plastic recorder/ harmonica

B is playing the harmonica and slowly transitions to licking it.

D: Is that ketchup?

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Scene 3: Real guitar

B: See, guitar hero really does make you the guitar’s hero. I just saved this *brand name* six string acoustic from the burning, hot flames of a three-story house fire.

D: No you didn’t.

B: Well I rescued her from an evil tyrannical oppressor.

D: You took it from Cameron’s room.

(shot of Cameron with shirt off rubbing his belly and brushing his teeth)

B: *playing and singing* Let your hair down, Repunzel… and I’ll save you from the evil tyrant who’s badguy name is Cameron…

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Closing Scene

Dan plays amazingly on the classical guitar.

Bart and Dan- Pilot

*Many of you have been whining and complaining that I haven't posted in for-ev-ER. (Mainly Tia and Will-Boy.) But I want you all to know I've been writing... my own TV show! It's called 'Bart and Dan' and shows us being us. I was going to surprise you all and post the videos. But since Dan and I haven't had time to film I'll give you the Pilot episode. And lets be honest here. It's only a small nibble of what will soon rival Seinfeld for America's #1 Sit-com.


Extended Pilot's First Rough Draft Outline

Scene 1 (Bart and dan on couch)
B: We should start making videos
First thing we need- band name! (without hesitation) Flight of the Conchords.

D: First of all… the first thing we need is a camera and video editing software. Both of which I don’t have. Secondly… we’re not in a band. Even if there was a band to be in, WE wouldn't be in it because YOU suck at playing stuff… and you can’t use that name.

(bart starts dancing and flapping his arms) It’s like we’re flying… we’re happy, elated birds… look at us… bein’ birds…. wait, wha?

D: Someone already has that band name.

B: I don’t believe it.

D: That doesn't matter, it’s true.

B: (Runs off) Google it!

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Scene 2
(at computer)
D: See. These guys already use that name.

B: So. We can still use it.

D; No we can’t. It’s called copyright infringement.

B: : (mumbling to himself) I'll show you lopynight debingement... huh wha?
Look. Just because someone uses a name doesn’t mean we can’t use it too. Look at Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan. Jennifer Garner and Jennifer ‘I love you’ Hewitt. Paris Hilton and… Paris… France.

D: That's not the same.

B: Why? It should be.

D: Naming a person is different than naming a band.

B: Is it though? Is it? (sarcastic at first… then sincerely interested) No but really… is it?

D: Touche. . .Look you just can't use that name. People will get confused and think that we are the Flight of the Chonchords from New Zealand, which might increase our viewership initially, but more than likely people would just feel ripped off since we are not the Original Flight of the Chonchords.

B: But what if we were the Flight of . . .

D:Just think of a different name. (walks off)

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Scene 3
(dan walks in- bart is lying on the floor surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper)
(whiteboard covered with alterations of ‘Flight of the Conchords’
Might of the A-chord, D-chord etc. And one really long name with all sorts of music terms that don’t make any sense)

B: (clearly dying from dehydration) Need… water…

D: What the Bart?!…Dude, you look horrible. How long have you been here?

B: Four days. I just want to be a bird.

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Closing scene
(Bart makes dan put out his arms then connects his stetched out arms to dans)
B: (whispers to dan) Okay, now flap!
D: You know it’s a condor, right?

B: (smiling) Look, we’re a two headed concord. Kaka!