Sunday, September 20, 2009

It's a Doggone World

The other day I was driving on the interstate. My vocal replications of Band of Horses were oddly interrupted by a Bichon Frise… with goggles… on the back of a Harley. It might have looked something, but not necessarily, like this:

I chuckled to myself as I passed this casual canine, but have since more seriously pondered what I saw. Goggles… on a dog…?

Where did this fad come from? Do you remember any of these famous K-9s wearing goggles?

Anyone who is a dog owner, or friend of a dog owner, (or, quite honestly, anyone who has petted, has chased, has been chased by, has been barked at by, or has even seen a dog) knows that dogs love the wind in their faces. It’s common knowledge. Just like the fact that pigs have wings and shaving makes your beard grow in thicker.

And what dogs love, even more than wind, is even more wind. I’m sure you’ve noticed drivers with their windows cracked. At first glance you might think ‘smoker’. (That's very stereotypical of you.) But I ask you to glance again… to re-glance, if you will. And I will.

First, you’ll notice that it’s the back windows that are cracked, not the front. Red flag. Second, you’ll notice the partial face of a dog sticking out. Really red flag. Third, if you drive directly behind them, you will be able to wash your windshield without using any of your windshield wiper fluid. White flag. (If you actually do this, you should probably throw in the towel of life.)

But have you noticed, the more they roll down the window, the more dog-head you see? And don’t get me started on dogs in the back of trucks! They go as fast as they can from one side to the other: “What does it smell like over here? Oh, almost the same as… over here! Except this one’s a little different. Smells like orange color. ...And this side smells like burnt orange!” (Yes, dogs smell colors.) I don’t know if it’s the smells, the sights, or just the feeling that they’re flying, but dogs love high powered wind.

I didn’t see Toto running from any tornadoes. No sir/ma’am. Toto was barking like a lunatic, facing that twister head-on, ready for the ride of his life… and what did Dorothy do? Took him to a automobile-less land of midgets and flying monkeys. Typical girl move. (Yes, monkeys have wings too.) I’m sure Toto’s flying monkey ride was the thrill of the trip, but I’m also sure that a tornado ride would have blown that monkey ride… away. (Wow, that works on so many levels.)
I'm also going to take this time to blame Dorothy for the ridiculous notion that 'high-culture' girls need to carry little dogs in their purses/bags. (Yes, this is Dorothy's fault.)

I hope Toto ruined the picnic, (if you know what I mean), and if you put your dog in your purse, I hope your dog ruins your 'picnic' too.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is: Don’t put goggles on your Bichon Frise. (Unless you want to protect their eyes from harmful UV rays. If you want to do that… buy doggles!)

1 comment:

Lyle and Kathi Gadbury said...

Your dad would never let me have a Bichon Frise, because I wouldn't necessarily want "doggles," but I think those cute little dog sweaters are adorable! And what about those little Halloween costumes?????