Saturday, January 31, 2009

Readers Block

Some of you have been wondering why I haven't put up a new post in a while. Actually, I just made that up because no one has inquired at all... Now, some of you are going to respond to this post saying, "Yeah, Bart, I was wondering." Or, "Sorry Bart, I just had twins." Or, "Sorry Bart I just broke up with my girlfriend." Or "Sorry Bart, I've been really busy blogging and then reading the comments on my blog." Don't give me your pity and don't give me your excuses. Excuses are for the weak. And I shalln't be happy with you.

(And yes, I just said shalln't... that's a contraction. If you take Shall and Not and put them together you get shalln't. Common knowledge. Anyone with a 5th grade reading level knows that. And if you're not yet in 5th grade... you shouldn't be reading my blog, it definitely isn't appropriate for innocent minds. In fact, you shouldn't even be on the internet. What do YOU have to do on the internet? You're eleven. Go play with G.I. Joes, get muddy, and break some windows.)

Sidenote: I'm seriously going to be the coolest dad.

I've had a serious case of writers block. My usual free-flowing genius in my saggital suture (yes, the noun) has been replaced by some idiot who decided he likes to worry about life. So I decided to write about not being able to write. Ironic? I think so.

My writing process usually goes like this:
1) Toss and turn sleeplessly for hours while my brain fumbles accross meaningless ideas and scenarios and topics.
2) Flip on my reading lamp and scramble exhaustedly for a scrap piece of paper and a pen.
3) Scribble whatever nonsense entered my head or is now entering my head as I lick the pen tip for more ink.
4) The next day, sort through the chicken scratch and find some way to connect it all.

Then I post it for everyone's enjoyment. Then, sometimes, I re-read what I wrote and realize that no one in their right mind would enjoy this and that I am wasting precious moments of time that you, and I, will never get back. Then sometimes I re-read it just so I can say I doubley wasted extra precious moments of time. And then I realize I enjoy it.


Kathi and Lyle said...

Again, you have proof that I, your Mother, am your number one fan. I know you never really doubted that, but just in case you did, you now have undeniable proof. I shall'nt hold it against you if you were in doubt.

You're a good writer. Keep writing. And it's good to think about life. Keep thinking!

bretsonjeep said...

i have the blocker disease too! hey break-ups are tramatic/dramatic!

MeL said...

Uh, did you see the 75 comments? Of course I've been busy! BTW, you got some hate for saying I was boring, but I laughed really hard at the video. Did you know that they are doing a second season? Philip just told me. I hope it's as brilliant as the first.